Grammy's Most Awkward Moments: Even More Than Middle School!

You probably watched the Grammy's, and that means you were at the edge of your seat for several hours, your emotions pumping like an overworked steam engine and your heart palpitating, your knuckles ghost white and your mouth dry as you witnessed music history go down right before your tearing eyes.

Wait, that wasn't you? Of course not. It wasn't anyone (except for a probable constituent of Kenny Chesney fans who think he is a man-god), and the night was like it usually is: filled with promise, and delivering on very little of it.

Overall, I thought the night was filled with some seriously awkward moments. Like middle school dance awkward, and you're the adult chaperone watching pre-teens stand on opposite sides of the gym. So here we go:

1. Whitney Houston A Bit Rusty: Remembered to brush off her nose! In a mostly incoherent presentation, a rather dysfunctioning robot-like Whitney Houston stammers through several sentences, mostly without opening her eyes. For a woman who we know can emote (remember that hit, what was it called, um, "I Will Always Love You"?), Houston might as well have been a cardboard cutout propped onstage with a voice dub. Bummer.

2. Blink 182 Reunite, Crickets Chirp: Presenting an award, the estranged members of Blink 182 were waiting for that perfect moment to - bam! - reunite. I'd imagine they expected a moment of silence, then booming applause during which "All the Small Things" would blast from the PA, Blink-logoed balloons would drop from the ceiling and everyone who was 13 in 2001 would promptly pass out on their couches. Welp, it didn't quite happen like that. Travis Barker said, "We used to play music together, and we decided we're going to play music together again." Mark Hoppus yelled, "Blink 182 is back!" Then, um, they presented the award like nothing had happened.

3. Dwayne Johnson - Still Not Funny!: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson attempted to make a joke about Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl." Something to the effect of "The first thing I did today was kiss a girl too! It was Katy Perry! (Pause for laughter) But then she made me stay 50 feet away from her (Pause for laughter)!" Needless to say, said joke falls flat. Not even the dude's arched eyebrow's could save this dud of a monologue.

4. Kid Rock - Still Sucks!: Kid Rock is such a gentleman. Not only does he steal and rewrite (see: ruin) the songs of two perfectly dead rock stars, but he also includes the lyrics "Guilty of being white" in his performance, cementing belief that, aside from his brief stint as a rapper, Kid Rock is among the whitest people ever. Bravo, sir. A true artistic gem.

5. John Mayer - Clearly, Better Than B. B. King: In a tribute to Bo Diddly, a pack of guitarists including John Mayer, B. B. King and Keith Urban (really?) trade some blues bars. Guess who plays the most. Nope, not the arguable best living blues guitarist (Keith Urban, of course. Yea...), but John Mayer. Way to go, bud. Lucille is pissed.

6. Katy Perry, Also Kissed a Robot: Continuing the trend of females acting particularly robotic, Katy Perry's dancing during "I Kissed A Girl" was more like subtle swaying. And the occasional slight hop.

7. Morgan Freeman and Kenny Chesney - Totally Bros: Morgan Freeman introduced country bumpkin Kenny Chesney as his close friend. Seriously? Do they go fishing? Talk for hours on the phone? Or, more likely, say four to five words to each other backstage? Words like, "Wait, what's your name?"

8. T-Bone Burnett - Not Important!: After winning Best Album, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss thank some folks, then make room for producer T-Bone Burnett to talk. CBS, on the other hand, makes no such room. Dude made the Album of the Year! Cut off the 'Get the hell of the stage' music!

9. Stevie Wonder as The House Band: Wonder plays a solo joint as the crowd disperses. Is it not mildly offensive that one of the night's biggest stars gets to play as people leave? Is it not ironic that he couldn't see them do that?