My Pre-teen Image of DMX=Awesome is Dead

One day when I was about 12, I decided that it was time I started listening to rap music. Knowing little about it at the time, I went to the local record shop and picked up what, in my mind, were two classics of the genre: DMX's It's Dark and Hell is Hot and Jay-Z's Vol. 2.

Jay was great ("Can I Get A.." is. fucking. awesome.) but what really grabbed me was DMX. Dude had a growl, a vicious, almost inhuman vocal delivery and drive that made this white, suburban Jewish boy nod with that-guy-is-badass admiration.

Then I grew up and realized that he kinda sucked.

While the first two DMX albums were absolute gems of second (or third?) wave gangster-aggression rap, DMX's subsequent output was simply regurgitated rants about how he was still street, and included more references to dogs, or, excuse me, dawgs, than anyone should ever utter in an entire lifespan.

All that said, it's safe to say the dream is gone: DMX is now officially lame as hell.

Just as it seemed D couldn't have gotten less awesome, he did. Check it out: not only is he currently in jail for felony charges of theft, drug possession and a misdemeanor charge of animal cruelty (hedging on badass, except for that last one), but today he threw a lunch tray at an officer after said officer told him he wasn't allowed to eat the meal he'd picked up in the dining room. Why? Because, due to another scrapple, DMX is on a bread and water diet and he wanted something a bit more substantial.

Fair enough, but throw a tray at a jail guard? What is this, kindergarten?

After years of hoping he'd return to greatness, I'm signing off.

Get at me no longer, dawg.